Especially after last night." Exactly. So what IS this? Some crazy idea you had, to scare me off?"Tears were starting to well up in my eyes. "NO, I'd ...EVER want to scareyou off. I meant it when I said I want to be with you, and make youhappy ..." So are you really a guy, or not?" No Robert, I'm NOT a guy ... I'm a GIRL. It's like I said in theletter - I was a boy when I was born, but I've been a girl for yearsand years. And I had an operation to get rid of, you know ... theleftovers."Rob was. "I..please..." he hesitated.I put a finger to his chest and backed him up into the wall. "You will do as I say, Billy. You will do exactly as I say, or that little envelope in your room will make its way to your friends." What envelope?" he asked, his eyes widening a little."Go look."Of course, Billy was gone for quite some time. I'm sure he needed to sit alone and look closely at these photos. Pictures I had snapped of him when he wasn't looking, pictures of him in my white thong bikini briefs. I seriously considered getting it back, until Doug pointed out I'd have to give back the new one. I reminded him of my diary. He assured me that the only way I could be connected back to my stories would be by me physically retrieving my computer. I quickly realized there was no way I could handle the embarrassment of confronting a cop who may have read my diary. My Diary was gone and I was devastated. It wasn’t that I read it over and over, it was that I’d lost all those thoughts and. What I most remember is wanting and frustration. That's not too unusual in high school, of course, but what I couldn't figure out is what she wanted. One day hot, one day cold, once a promising afternoon under a tree on the hillside behind my house, no one around, the perfect moment, her in my arms, an extra button on her blouse undone and inviting exploration, and then—nothing. I was kissing her but she wasn't really kissing me. Her lips were closed and her mouth was tight, rigid. It was like.
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